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  “He doesn't know yet and you better not tell this to Jonas!”

  Stella looked at her with disbelief. “As if! Why would I tell Jonas? You're my best friend! But you have to tell Joshua soon,” Stella said and looked worriedly at Clarissa.

  “Joshua thinks you're going to choose him, and if you choose Adam, he will be furious,” Stella said, horrified.

  “I know that,” Clarissa mumbled. “I'll tell him soon.”

  However, Adam filled her mind so completely that January was almost over before she knew it, and she still hadn't told Joshua. Her birthday was three days from now and she really intended to tell him before that. Well, if not before, then at least then.

  CHAPTER 20

  The doorbell rang, but before anyone had time to open it, three cheerfully giggling girls rushed in. They said a quick hi to Marie, who stared at them confused from Tiamhaidh's arms. Then they disappeared upstairs to find Clarissa. Clarissa stood helplessly in the middle of a huge mass of clothes and mumbled angrily to herself. Stella had called an hour ago and ordered her to wear the most smashing clothes she owned. What was that supposed to mean? Pants or a skirt? Miniskirt or a long one? Or if she wore pants, should she wear tight or loose ones? And what in the world should she wear as a top?

  “Arrgh!” Clarissa yelled frustrated and sat in the mountain of clothes.

  The door was pushed opened and Stella, Emilie and Caitlin surrounded her. They yabbered so much that it was impossible for her to hear what they were actually talking about. Finally she pressed her hand to her ears and screamed, “Quiet!”

  Her friends looked at her with surprise, but stopped talking. Clarissa stared at them suspiciously before she took her hands off her ears.

  “What are you up to?” Clarissa asked.

  Stella stared at her like she had asked something really stupid and then flicked her hair theatrically.

  “We are trying to organize your birthday party, you idiot,” Stella snapped.

  “But,” Clarissa started carefully. Stella silenced her in a trice.

  “Not a word anymore. We are so late!”

  “Well, what are you waiting for? Clothes on!” Caitlin hurried while Emilie tried to hit Clarissa's hair with a brush.

  The girls wrestled in the mess of clothes and tried to put skinny jeans on Clarissa. Clarissa tried to struggle for a while, but eventually she had to give up and under Stella's strict command she was dressed in dark skinny jeans and a simple black tunic that was tied up to her waist with several plaited twines. They brushed her hair so it seemed to be a shiny honey cloud and put light make up her face. Finally, after taking a good look at her, Stella announced that Clarissa was ready. Emilie pushed her towards the door and grinned slyly. Caitlin took a black scarf from her pocket and covered Clarissa's eyes.

  Clarissa felt their hands pushing her and then she thudded on the car seat. She could recognize Joshua's smell as he put her seatbelt on and kissed her lightly on her forehead. Everything was over in a moment and she sat helplessly, tied between Stella and Caitlin. With her eyes covered she couldn't see anything but black, but when the car swayed badly and started to move like a kangaroo, she had no doubt as to who was driving. Emilie was the worst driver ever. And she was the only one who could've managed to make the car stop and twitch tons of times on a flat road. Stella and Caitlin whispered and giggled together like she was not there, and she wasn't sure she was going to like their surprise at all. She tried to free herself, but her friends held her hands so tight that it was impossible to even move. She sighed deeply and sulked. Stella pushed her lightly.

  “Oh, don't be such a baby! Playing a martyr is so not like you!”

  Clarissa sighed even more deeply and decided to sulk for the rest of the trip. Stella laughed brightly at her sulking, and didn't let Clarissa spoil her party mood. Instead she kept whispering and giggling even more with Caitlin.

  Eventually the haunting trip was over and the car stopped. The door was opened and some clumsy hands that were obviously Ciall's grabbed her and helped her out of the car. Stella poked her, forcing her to move forward. Soon they pushed her inside a warm building. Emilie took the scarf away from her eyes and as her eyes got used to the light, she saw a room full of people in front of her.

  “Surprise!” The people yelled and at that moment the music exploded into the air so loudly that Clarissa had to press her hands to her ears.

  Clarissa looked around her, confused. Her grandparents' house was all decorated from top to bottom with hundreds of glittering ribbons that made the room look magical. Everyone she even thought she knew was here, even Adam. He hung around the back corner of the living room and stared hungrily at her. She gulped. Her friends started to sing Happy Birthday and her eyes got all teary. Wow! She couldn't even have dreamed about parties like this. Everything was so perfect. Only the knowledge that Marie couldn't be here made a dark cloud over her head. Just a small one, though, and she comforted herself that she could tell everything to Marie later and then live this night again. After Marie came home from the hospital, Clarissa had gone to her room every evening and told her everything about the day. She brushed Marie's wild gypsy hair and Marie listened to her stories. She never said a word, just looked at her with her scary lost eyes, but she was sure that on some level Marie understood at least part of what she heard.

  A pair of strong arms grabbed her and Joshua kissed her passionately. She tried to get off, laughing, and glanced at Adam, who was holding a glass of punch so hard that it would break at any second. Blake pushed Joshua playfully.

  “My turn,” Blake laughed and snatched Clarissa from Joshua's arms.

  “Thanks a lot!” Clarissa giggled and prepared for Blake's kiss.

  Blake put his hand on her chin and kissed her lightly on the tip of her nose. “Happy Birthday, little sister,” Blake whispered with his eyes twinkling.

  Emilie and Caitlin were beside her before she even noticed. They had invented the strangest versions of some old camp games. At times Clarissa had to howl with laughter, especially when Caitlin hung the bottles on the boys' hips and gave them girls for partners. The girls were supposed to fill those bottles with water as fast as they could, without getting the boys wet. Adam looked really goofy when Kia from the next class tried to fill the bottle hanging from his hips with shaking hands. Every time she spilled the water, her face got redder and she tried desperately to splutter some apology. Adam stared at Clarissa, who laughed at him, but didn't say a word. He participated in all the games like a real boy scout even when she could see how much he hated them. The peak of the night was a human sandwich. At first Clarissa was sure that no one would want to play the childish game, but she was wrong. She noticed she was also running around the room, chasing the lost chairs like a maniac and trying to push herself on people's laps by force.

  Eventually they were all too tired to play and the floor that was shimmering in a dim light started to fill up with dancers. From the corner of her eye Clarissa saw Emilie sneaking into her grandma's bedroom and coming back with a bag that looked heavy. Emilie slipped into the kitchen and Stella appeared next to Clarissa.

  “Hey,” Clarissa said quietly.

  “Hey,” Stella answered, embarrassed.

  Clarissa stared at her reddish neck and swollen lips.

  “I guess you're having a good time,” Clarissa said and tried not to laugh.

  Stella staggered nervously and looked at her helplessly.

  “Jonas is so good!” Stella sighed.

  “I can only imagine,” Clarissa mumbled and hugged Stella quickly.

  Stella took her hand and dragged her into the kitchen. Clarissa looked at her questioningly, but Stella was quiet. Clarissa stopped at the doorway. Emilie and Caitlin were sitting by the table that was full of different kinds of ciders.

  “Let's get drunk,” Caitlin yelled and opened the first can. A light foam fizzed from the can and Caitlin took it to her lips, challenging them all.

  “Well, what are you waitin
g for!” said Emilie and took a can.

  Clarissa stared at her friends, who had apparently gotten the big idea of getting drunk for the first time in honor of her birthday. She took a few steps back, but Stella grabbed her top and pressed a cold can of cider into her hand. “Oh no, you don't! Laugh a little! It's your birthday!”

  “I'm not sure if this is wise,” Clarissa mumbled.

  “Who cares? At least this is fun!” Emilie giggled.

  Clarissa lifted her shoulders and drank from the can. The cider tasted like sweet pear juice, with some carbonic acid in it. She licked her lips and drank some more. This time, however, she drank longer. She looked at her friends and lifted up the can. A small burp slipped from her mouth and she giggled.

  “Oops,” Clarissa laughed and got the others bursting into a nasal horse-like laughter.

  “Happy birthday to my best friend ever,” said Stella and lifted her can to toast.

  “Happy birthday,” Caitlin and Emilie repeated.

  “And you'll never guess what you're going to get from us,” Stella said as she peeked into the living room.

  Clarissa looked at her with her eyes wide open with horror and got up fast. The room seemed to rock around her and she sat back, gasping.

  “Well, not that, you fool,” Stella snapped indignantly. “On the other hand, Adam would probably look edible, wearing only red twine,” Stella continued and the others laughed.

  Clarissa blushed and tried to get her head sober. She couldn't be drunk from one cider, or could she? She wasn't sure though, if this was her first or second, as Stella had mixed their cans at some point. If this was her second she might be drunk, as two half-liter cans of cider could do the job.

  “We're going to a spa!” Emilie yelled.

  Caitlin nodded excitedly and yelled. “Can you imagine! A girls' weekend out in a spa! Just the four of us and a couple of stunning male masseurs!”

  “Oh,” Clarissa said, trying to look excited.

  A girls' weekend was always fun, but right now she would prefer staying home. She smiled at her friends, but they seemed to be drunk as well and didn't even notice how tamely she took the news. They danced and laughed around the kitchen like some crazy people. Clarissa got up and sneaked out through the back door of the kitchen.

  The freezing cold air helped her to clear her head. She leaned heavily on the railing of the porch and gasped. The sound of someone moving behind her made her turn fast.

  “I can see that your senses still work, even though you're drunk,” Adam said, smiling at her.

  Clarissa turned and tried to focus her eyes on his. She pressed her hand to his chest to push him away, but changed her mind and pulled him closer. Adam grunted, but didn't do anything to step away from her hands. Clarissa touched the coarse skin on his face and his soft mouth with wonder.

  “Clarissa,” Adam moaned quietly.

  Clarissa didn't care about his begging, and pressed her lips lightly on his. Neither of them moved. She felt his hot breath on her skin and touched his lips softly with her tongue. That was more than enough for Adam. He pressed her close to him and let his mouth scarf her innocent lips. His hands were everywhere, touching and groping, and she liked it. She was brave enough to taste his mouth and touch his body, and all she wanted to do was to rip his clothes off right now, right here. She was just about to put her hands under his blouse when Adam pushed her away harshly.

  “No,” Adam grunted staunchly. “Not like this.”

  Clarissa looked at him, her eyes full of confusion. What did he mean? She didn't understand and tried to touch him again. Adam grabbed her hands and kept her away. He shook his head.

  “I want you to be sober.” Adam said quietly. “And I want you to remember tomorrow what you did today.”

  “Adam, please! Touch me,” Clarissa begged. “I will remember, I promise.”

  “No,” Adam whispered and pushed her away.

  In a second he was gone and Clarissa found herself standing on the cold porch alone. She was stunned. Adam had left her just like that. Well, she wasn't going to cry after him that was sure. She straightened her clothes and went back inside to the warm kitchen. Other people had taken the ciders and beers from their bags and they all seemed to be quite drunk. Stella was sitting astride on Jonas and they were practically gobbling up each other. Emilie was trying to seduce a frightened Blake and Caitlin had cornered Ciall in front of the fridge door. Joshua was standing there trying to find Clarissa. When their eyes met, he loped in front of her.

  “I've been looking for you,” Joshua grunted.

  “And here I am,” Clarissa said smiling and tried to laugh.

  She was sure she looked like crap, but it didn't seem to bother him. Joshua led her to the living room that seemed to have changed into some kind of a gloomy cave of passion. Clarissa shivered. She grabbed the half full cider can from the table next to her and drank it until it was empty. Joshua took the can from her and looked at her strictly.

  “Are you out of your mind!” Joshua raged. “Look around you! Do you want to end up in bed with some drunken teenage kid, just because you're too drunk to know what you're doing?”

  Joshua shook her lightly and Clarissa sniffed.

  “Let go of me. I wanna dance,” Clarissa snapped.

  Joshua sighed and followed her humbly, but she stopped him.

  “Not with you. I wanna dance by myself,” Clarissa said harshly and pushed him away.

  Joshua spread out his arms and backed away.

  “As you like, princess,” Joshua said a bit mockingly and turned. “I'll be outside, if you need me,” he grunted, before he left her alone.

  Clarissa watched the dancing couples that were glued to each other. She sighed and took a full can of cider near the wall.

  “What the hell, it's my seventeenth birthday only once,” she mumbled and drank the whole can in one long gulp.

  The cider went to her head really fast. She noticed herself groping on the dance floor and bumping into the other dancers, until someone grabbed her tightly by the hip.

  “Carefully, mo gaol,” Adam said, amused.

  “Adam,” Clarissa sighed and latched on to him.

  “Easy,” Adam advised and kept her gently close to him.

  They slowly started to move to the music and touch each other. Somewhere deep down inside her, Clarissa felt how accusingly Joshua was looking at them through the window, but she was way too messed up to react to it. Adam turned her on with a slow play and when the burn inside of them was too hot, Clarissa let him lead her upstairs and to the bedroom that was meant for her granny's friends.

  CHAPTER 21

  Clarissa opened her eyes, exhausted, and tried to see the room around her. She lifted herself, half-sitting, and dropped back to bed. Holding her head, she dug her way back to the depths of her duvet. The winter sun brightened the room and the brightness of the sun made her head ache. What a night, she thought, stupefied. She remembered, crystal clear, almost everything from last night. At least until that part where Emilie had put some ciders on the table and they had decided to celebrate her birthday by getting drunk. She remembered dimly that Adam had been at the party and that they had danced together for almost the entire evening. She also remembered Joshua being cranky and his eyes burning with rage. She had ignored him and had sneaked out of the party with Adam, but what then? What had happened? The rest of the night was a mystery. What had they done and where had they gone? Clarissa shrugged. Every single muscle of her body hurt. She couldn't be in that bad a shape that a few hours on the dance floor made her feel like crap. Or could she? Oh, God, she was thirsty!

  Clarissa forced herself to sit. She looked nonchalantly at the familiar room around her. Luckily her grandma and grandpa had let them use their house for their parties. This was not the moment she wanted to see her parents. She didn't want her dad to know anything about her huge hangover. Mom probably knew already, so it was useless to even try to hide anything from her. Alcohol was so not her thing. Cl
arissa let her gaze wander round the room and snorted as she saw a messy heap of clothes on the floor. She had probably been in a hurry to get to bed last night. A couple of empty cider cans were lying on the floor and a large man's shoes were lying next to a large dark brown armchair.

  She stared at the shoes and sighed. She had no idea how the shoes had gotten there, so she thought they must've been there all the time. She had probably been so drunk that she just missed them. She looked at the armchair and gulped. She raised her hand to her naked breast and covered herself with a blanket. On the armchair there was a pair of dark grey jeans, a black shirt, a black leather jacket, socks and black undies. She stared at the men's undies with her eyes open. Clarissa shut her eyes and begged. She hoped that when she opened her eyes, everything would be as before. That she had only imagined the men's undies on her grandma's armchair. She felt a tickle on her side and reached to scratch it. Her fingers met someone else's fingers.

  Clarissa turned fast. Adam was lying on the other side of the bed and for once, his black eyes seemed to laugh. She brushed his fingers away and backed away as far as she could. Images from last night flashed in her mind. Messy, mixed images, and Adam was in each of them. Clarissa knew without looking that she was naked, and when she observed Adam carefully, she was sure that he was naked as well. Well, at least to his waistline.

  “No,” a tiny moan slipped from her mouth.

  “Good morning, mo gaol,” Adam said and grinned boldly.

  “No,” Clarissa repeated as panic crawled in her mind.

  Adam reached and touched her. Before she could escape, he had taken her into his arms. Clarissa lay there like a stick. She tried to ignore his warm, delicious smelling body that was wrapped around her. He was naked, that was for sure. Adam touched her skin gently and kissed her neck and her upper back.

  “Shh, calm down. It's alright,” Adam comforted her like she was a wild horse.

  “Relax,” Adam nibbled at her ear and whispered something in Gaelic to her.