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  Finally, her prayers were answered and the class ended. Clarissa rushed out of the classroom and straight to the school yard. She barely made her way out before she threw up. She gasped in the fresh air and threw up again. What was wrong with her? She could barely stay on her feet. Her hands were shaking and she felt dizzy. Someone handed her a mass of paper and after a while that same person stuffed some altoids in her hand.

  “Thank you,” Clarissa managed to mumble and turned, smiling wanly, to face her savior.

  She froze instantly. “You! What do you think you're doing?” She screamed.

  Adam grinned boldly at her and even though Blake and Jonas were standing right next to him, they were too afraid to interfere.

  “Just helping a lady in her need, that's all,” Adam laughed and tapped the corner of his mouth.

  Clarissa quickly wiped her mouth with a piece of paper. She felt really sick. With all the boys in the world, it had to be Adam who saw her in need and helped her. She hiccupped lightly and pressed her hand to her mouth. Adam smiled and grabbed her hand.

  “Walk with me,” he asked.

  And before she could answer, Adam was dragging her forward. Clarissa glanced behind and noticed the others as they followed them. Some court she had, she thought and sniffed. She snapped at Adam and tried to struggle her hand free.

  “Let go of me!”

  “Whatever,” Adam snapped back and let her go. “You've been staring at me all day, so now we're even.”

  Clarissa blushed. “Well, I'm not staring now, am I?” she said silently and rubbed her aching head.

  Adam made her stop and took her hands. “You feel it, too, don't you?”

  Clarissa stared at him. She felt nothing except the terrible ache in her head and the storm in her belly. She felt like puking again and looked for a good place to do it.

  “Marie,” he said and waited as if Clarissa knew what he was talking about. As she stayed quiet, he shook his head and handed her more tissues.

  Clarissa shook her head carefully. “What about her?”

  “Honestly? You really don't feel that when you look at her or think about her?” Adam was surprised.

  “Of course I feel!” Clarissa yelled, annoyed. “Marie is my sister, so yes, I feel something around her, you moron! I love her!”

  Clarissa bent down and puked hard. She must be getting ill or something. This was not normal and all she wanted was to get rid of this annoying, handsome boy and go home.

  “Well, good. For a moment I thought I had imagined everything,” Adam sighed, relieved.

  Clarissa stared at the depths of his black eyes and little by little, the realization spread.

  “You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?” he said.

  Clarissa shook her head slowly. She saw Joshua loping towards them and she wished Adam would say what he meant quickly, as there was a fight coming for sure and she really wanted to know what he had meant. Adam saw Joshua as well and spoke quickly.

  “Marie's not all right.” He then pushed her further and turned fast. Before Joshua reached them Adam yelled. “Remember what I said! And tell Sofia!”

  Clarissa nodded and looked at Joshua's angry face, stunned.

  “What did he want?” Joshua demanded.

  Clarissa just shrugged and said nothing. Why had Adam escaped? Was he not ready to fight for her anymore? Who was he afraid of? Clarissa was confused. She stared at Adam's retreating back and brushed away Joshua's annoying hand. Joshua tried to reach for her hand, but she didn't want that now. So she turned her back at him and pressed her messed up stomach. Had she looked more closely, she would have noticed Joshua's eyes leaking with rage, his lips tightly pressed together, and the smile full of contempt that made his stunning face look ugly. However, she didn't look at him, but winked at Stella.

  “Shall we?”

  “I thought you were sick!” Joshua snapped.

  Clarissa waved her hand blithely. Indeed, she felt better already. Stella went along with her little game at once and, giggling, grabbed Emilie and Caitlin's hands. She blew a kiss to Jonas and walked to the bright-red little Ford Kaa with her hips swinging.

  “Oui, cherie! Time for the beauty parlor!” Stella yelled cheerfully.

  The girls packed themselves in the tiny car and Stella drove recklessly away, leaving three surprised looking men behind. Stella was the only one of them who had a driver's license. She had spent two years in Australia and was actually two years older than the others, even though one wouldn't notice that. Right now, Clarissa felt that Stella's driving skills had dropped from heaven into her arms because the last thing she could handle now was a cross Joshua.

  None of the girls said anything and Clarissa was happy to have friends like that. Stella actually drove to the shopping mall which had a small parlor, but none of them really wanted to go there, so they headed to the doughnut-cafe and bought a bunch of greasy chocolate doughnuts. None of them mentioned Adam and she enjoyed their frothy gabble that seemed to ease her headache. She felt almost normal and her belly was fine, too. Strange, she thought. She had really felt sick at school and now, almost nothing. She hadn't even puked after eating her doughnut. Something had caused her illness at school, but she was way too tired to analyze it at the moment and that was definitely something she should think about later.

  When Stella finally drove her home, Clarissa smiled at her friends and thanked them. She prepared herself for a deafening lecture, but no one was around. The rooms were empty and silence wrapped the house. She sneaked covertly into her room and slipped into bed. Satisfied, she turned off the lights and let the cool darkness flush her mind and body. Even though her mind was full of Adam, she had totally forgotten his warnings about Marie and she fell asleep, smiling.

  CHAPTER 12

  Sofia

  I heard when Clarissa came home but as I was lying comfortably in David's arms, I didn't want to move. I listened to David's peaceful breathing. Our house had quieted down almost completely. Somewhere in my mind I heard Marie and Tiamhaidh talking silently, but that was the only sound I could pick up, and I assumed that all the others from our pack were sleeping already or not home at all.

  Jonas had told me how great Clarissa's school day had been and I was surprised at how well Adam was keeping his promise of leaving Clarissa alone. I wondered if she had figured out why she had been so sick at school, as I knew the reason perfectly well. When Adam had bonded them together it really meant an unbreakable bond and I had heard from Jonas how Adam had ignored her today. Her body had felt as sick as her mind, but I wasn't going to tell her that, not now. I thought that she could protect her body better if she could learn how to protect and control her mind on her own. I knew that would not be easy, but she would learn it quicker without me. If not, well, then I had to tell her.

  I thought it was a good day overall. No fighting, though I heard it had been close between Adam and Joshua, no bugging from Brianna and Clarissa was still alive. Tomorrow would be easier, so I figured I could stop worrying. I fondled David's warm chest absentmindedly and dug myself deeper into his arms. He tightened his arms around me and sighed.

  “Are you sleeping?” I asked quietly.

  “Hmm,” David mumbled.

  “I can't sleep.”

  David didn't answer and I tried to find a better position. After a while, I was still awake.

  “Sofia?”

  “Yes?” I said happily. I was glad he was awake too, and that I didn't have to suffer my insomnia alone.

  “I've been thinking about this whole shape shifting thing and there's one thing I don't get,” David said pensively.

  I sat up and held my breath. I had no idea what was coming, but I was all ears. He turned and faced my alert eyes.

  “How did any wolf originally even try to change its shape?” He asked, confused.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, on the alert. David had obviously thought this through. This was not just something that had popped out of his mind and I had t
o be careful now.

  “I mean, what made that first wolf try to change? That should be impossible and yet I know that happened. I just can't figure out why?” He was talking more to himself than to me and didn't even wait for me to answer.

  He had gotten up and was completely awake. I was thrilled. I wasn't going to let him off easily as I prepared to answer. However he continued before I could get a word out of my mouth.

  “You know that I don't believe in supernatural things and shape shifting, if that is totally supernatural. I can't understand how you can do it, I just can't. Not even when I have seen it many times with my own eyes,” He said and the silent sadness in his voice made me calm down. I felt my shoulders slumping and I tried to smile at him.

  “I don't know,” I said tamely. “I've thought about it several times myself as well and the only answer I can figure out is need. I mean, if you really need something, I believe your mind will help you to do it, and after you've done it once it's just a child's play.”

  I looked at him and wondered if my answer was good enough. He had a weird expression on his face as he stared at me silently. Had I said something wrong? This was so peculiar. Why did he want to know? Why now? Shouldn't this have been the first question after I had told him what I am? Finally he spoke and he sounded really stubborn.

  “I can't believe you. If that's true, wouldn't it mean that I can change as well?”

  “I guess so. But you don't have to change, do you? There is no need for that, right?” I asked and felt really uncomfortable.

  “Yes, Sofia. I, if anyone, have the need,” David snapped sadly. “Can't you see that I'm an outsider? With you all around me, I feel so useless and weird. I should actually feel really normal, but I don't. I feel that you're the normal ones and I'm the freak. Marie is the only other human in this house and she has an extraordinary gift, Sofia. She can understand your kind and get into your minds. You and Clarissa will not age, ever. Yes, I know you can shape your face to look older and make me feel more at ease, but the fact is, I will die and you will live forever. Do you think it's easy for me to accept the thought of you being immortal? Especially when I know that when my heart has beat for the last time, Gunward will be standing at our door waiting for you and you, you will be running into his arms at that moment,” he said without once inhaling.

  Obviously this had been in his mind awhile.

  “I'm so sorry, honey! Oh, David, I had no idea how this must make you feel!” I interrupted his monologue and pressed myself into his arms.

  The guilt flowed in me. I had been so blind. How could I not notice how he was suffering beside me? I should have, I thought, and I had no excuses this time. I had to admit that I had had so many other things in my mind that nothing like this could ever come to my attention. I felt awful.

  “Tell me about it. So you see, I really have the need to change, but I have no idea how to do it,” David mumbled in my hair.

  “Me neither,” I said sadly. I lifted my mouth so that he could kiss it and suddenly I had a brilliant idea. “But I know who we can ask! We're going to Senja next summer and before you say anything - I know how much you hate the thought - I will meet Gunward again. But we have to go.”

  “Why?” David asked as doubt and jealousy crawled into his voice.

  “Because the elders know the answers to your questions and because I want you to finally meet my parents. No more secrets, remember?” I said and smiled radiantly.

  David relaxed and squeezed me tight. “Of course I remember,” he said and kissed me with a smile.

  “Try to sleep now. I believe that everything will turn out just great.”

  David mumbled something vaguely, perhaps a complaint, but I felt how full of exhaustion his mind was and before I knew it, I too, had fallen into a deep sleep.

  I knew where I was the second the dream began. Mount Breitinden loomed above the woods, steady and bold as usual. The first snow had partly covered its slopes and the mid-day sun was trying forcefully to push through the haze of clouds and darkness in order to give light. However, the days were so dark at this time of the year that the sun was nothing but a red ball in the sky, and its light would not reach the woods for a long time. The polar nights were near and it wouldn't be long before you couldn't separate day from night.

  Below the slopes was a black jeep, and two men were trying to pack a huge mass of luggage into it. There were four wolves running around the car, playing together and robbing stuff from that mountain of things. I thought they were nothing more than wolf-cubs, but I could have been wrong. A tall, dark man was talking to two older people and when he turned to lift a glove that one of the wolves had robbed, I saw that he was talking with my parents.

  Longing crushed my heart. I missed them so much. My mother was laughing silently at something my father had said and the beauty of her face enchanted me. Her golden brown hair had been tied into a ponytail, but several gray tresses had escaped. Her warm brown eyes were surrounded by some wrinkles, but otherwise her skin was almost as smooth as a young girl's. Her lips were curved to form a smile and I saw small dimples on her cheeks. Father whispered something quietly in her ear and she burst out laughing. Her laughter was so warm and infectious. I saw how lovingly my father looked at her. He swayed his long dark brown hair and yelled sharply at the men who were packing the car. His eyes were golden brown and tight. Ageless wisdom was reflected in them. They seemed to see to your soul and for a moment, I was sure he could see me as clearly as I saw him. He was tall and broad-shouldered and he looked like an ancient warrior. His muscles made his shirt look tight and even though his human form looked like a fifty-year-old man, he was anything but old. He radiated the warmth and confidence that only the great leaders had. He didn't bother to give orders as the others followed him anyway. I wanted to run into his arms so badly. I had never seen my parents in their human forms before and yet I was sure that this was more than a dream. They were so real.

  The men near the car said it was ready and the dark man turned.

  “Gunward,” I gasped and awakened from my dream.

  Had I said it aloud? I listened to David's breathing. He stayed still. I must have imagined the whole thing. I closed my eyes again and saw Gunward looking straight at me. I missed him so much that it killed me. I lay still and tried to reach his mind. I felt the slight connection between us and I knew that he was still with me. I looked jealously at what my dream figures did and I felt truly guilty. How stupid could I be? I had made my choice and I had no right to regret it. I belonged here, for right now at least, and I should look forward, not behind.

  “No regrets,” I whispered quietly.

  “I'll be back soon,” said dream Gunward and went to his car.

  I was sure he had addressed his words to me. After he was gone, I looked at my parents for a while. They guided the wolves up to the mountain but at some point I lost my touch and my dream was mixed with some other dream. In the end my dreams were so messed up that in the morning I felt even more tired than before I went to sleep.

  CHAPTER 13

  The sun made the snowy trees look golden. It looked so tempting, I had no choice but to get up and get dressed. Bruun and Flow were elated. Too many days had passed where I didn't have any time for them. They jumped wildly against each other, barking and making weird noises that were supposed to sound like howls of joy, but sounded more like grunts. I bent down and scratched their furs and they went all crazy.

  The snow was soft as I sloshed in the snow banks. I enjoyed the light-weight snow as it flew around me. Deeper in the woods I decided to see how my dogs would find my shape shifting skills. I heard them barking somewhere nearby and decided to start my change. Every cell in me enjoyed the change. They recognized the shape of the wolf and had missed it as I had. Pure joy filled me and I let the long, deep howl fill the woods. In my mind I heard Tiamhaidh and Marie sleepily wondering what I was doing, but I didn't bother to answer them. This was my moment. And I intended to enjoy it.


  With a few long graceful leaps I reached my dogs and even though they knew me on some level, they crouched near each other with their tails pressed tightly between their legs. I waved my tail and looked down, showing them I wasn’t a threat. They relaxed a bit and as they sniffed me carefully they started to respond to my waves and their ears lifted attentively. It was actually surprising how easily they adapted to me as a wolf. When all the sniffing was done, they slowly started to jog beside me.

  The tree branches were sagging from the weight of the snow and as we scampered underneath, we received cold snowy showers on our necks. In my human form, I would've shivered from the cold as the freezing cold snowflakes fell down on my neck, but the wolf me enjoyed the shivers on my fur as the snow cooled me and melted on my snout. I licked the snow from my snout and it felt so good that I had to howl a little. The first snow would melt as fast as it had come, but right now when the sunlight shone on the pure white snow, the woods around us looked like wonderland. My whiskers were full of ice and my paws were shrinking from the cold weather. It was only 10 degrees and although my fur was thick and warm, I still felt the coldness crawl around me. I began to run faster and noticed that it was hard for Bruun and Flow to keep up with me.

  The cold wintry woods were quiet. The little birds had withdrawn themselves under the cover of snowy branches and only a few brave crows were flying near the treetops. They sensed that the hunting beast was near and every time we got closer, they flew higher and further. The blanket of snow was covered with a few footprints of wood mice and rabbit paths, but they were old and it was useless to track those. I stopped and waited for my dog friends. I lifted my paws and felt my legs shivering from the cold. When Bruun came to me, I saw that he was going to freeze any moment and turned to go home.

  And then I felt it. The delicious smell of a rabbit filled my snout and I couldn't leave. Somewhere nearby was a shivering rabbit and I intended to get it for my meal. My senses sharpened and I sniffed the air as I tried to locate its hiding place. Bruun and Flow could smell it too, and they stood beside me, excited. I lifted my snout and tried to decide where I should begin the tracking. Instantly, my eyes caught a movement. I focused on the fir to my left. Something was definitely moving underneath it, not much but just enough that I could catch the movement. Pleasure filled me as I noticed a fat white rabbit that was trying to hide from my eyes, its terrified eyes locked on me. I howled with joy and darted towards it. It didn't wait for me but ran as fast as it could, away from me. It knew it had no chance against three hunting animals and yet it had to try. Bruun and Flow clustered beside me and each leap got us closer. I wanted to surround it against the rock in front of us and when it realized what I was doing it sped up. But it was useless. The rock got closer and closer and the rabbit didn't have the slightest chance of moving its direction. I prepared to jump on it as a fierce pleasure filled my mind.