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  Tiamhaidh screamed frantically in my mind, stopping my movement. The rabbit sneaked happily away as I turned and started to run, faster than ever, to my house. Bruun and Flow stared as they were left behind. Then they scampered after me. I didn't let myself turn into a human until I reached our yard. Joshua and Jonas looked surprisedly at me as they came from the guest house. I didn't bother to explain as I knew they had also sensed the emergency of Tiamhaidh's tone. I opened the door, leaving a mass of water and snow behind me. Marie was lying on the floor with Tiamhaidh holding her head on his lap looking terrified. In some other situation it might have seemed funny, a dreadfully huge man looking so frightened, but with Marie half-lying in his arms, the situation was anything but funny. Marie's eyes were half open and they were staring straight in front of her. Her left leg was twitching a little, but otherwise the seizure seemed to be over. Tiamhaidh looked into my eyes and I saw how scared he was.

  “She's been like this for about half an hour,” he said roughly. “She can hear what I'm saying, but can't answer and she can move but not much. I've been trying to contact her mind, but all I see is a dark mess.” Tiamhaidh raked his short, dark hair.

  “Joshua! Call the ambulance!” I yelled and bent next to Marie.

  I petted her dark curls and gently tried to reach her mind. Tiamhaidh was right. Marie's mind seemed to be a mess and I wondered how long this had been going on. She had had several small seizures during the past few days, but they had all passed with a small amount of medicine or sometimes even without it. Now, however, it seemed like she was going through a big one that didn't really stop. I asked Jonas to give me my cell phone and dialed David's number. He promised to leave work as soon as possible and come straight to the hospital. The next call I made was to Marie's doctor, who sounded really concerned. She promised to meet us in the hospital and asked us to come straight to the intensive care unit. I heard sirens and knew that the ambulance would be here any minute.

  I ran upstairs and packed Marie's hospital bag, throwing some clothes for myself in it, too. Joshua was already at the yard, cleaning the cars from the snow. I heard Matt and Ciall scuffling down the stairs. Clarissa was speaking with her dad on the phone and I knew Blake and Jonas would be here any minute. My pack was admirably unanimous, though it had been a pack for a very short time. Suddenly I noticed that my brothers were missing, but before I could ask, I heard Tiamhaidh's voice in my mind. “At the gym.” I raised my eyebrows questioningly, but he shook his head and I didn't have the energy to worry about them. My throat felt sick and my heart was breaking for Marie. I knew Tiamhaidh could feel my pain, even though I tried to hide it.

  Marie became sick years ago and I still remembered it like it was yesterday. I remembered vividly how abominably terrified I had been and how unsure her survival had been. Images flashed in my mind. Marie's small withered body, lying between the white hospital sheets, tied up to the hospital machines with several tubes. Each time one of those machines beeped I was sure I had lost her. I had no idea how I could handle it again.

  “Sofia! The ambulance is here!” Tiamhaidh yelled.

  I ran down the stairs and told the paramedics about Marie's situation. I also said that they were waiting for her in the ICU and they moved her into the ambulance. I nodded at Tiam, who was scared to death. They wouldn't let him be with Marie. Joshua and Jonas had already started the cars and Clarissa and Blake were sitting in one of them, looking panicked. Matt and Ciall were in the other. When the ambulance finally drove away from our yard, we headed straight after it. I called my brothers in my mind and told them to come to the hospital as fast as they could.

  When we reached the hospital, Marie was already in the ICU. I knew they let only the closest of the family in, so I asked my pack to wait in the cafe. At least they could provide some eye candy for the tired nurses and they would be off my panicked feet. Clarissa decided to join the pack. She hated the ICU. I pressed the elevator button and waited restlessly. I had no idea what to expect when I opened the door to the ICU, so I tried to prepare myself for the worst. It seemed to take ages before the elevator came and by the time I reached the top floor where the ICU was, I had lost most of my courage. I didn't like the ICU either, but I tried to handle it like something you just had to do. For me the ICU meant death.

  I remembered the last time we were there and how many children had died during those horrible months. Every time someone died I thought, Marie must be the next one. Even though she survived, the whole place scared me. Yes, I knew it was stupid and yes, I knew that statistically more survived than died in the ICU, but that didn't comfort me at all. I sighed deeply and pushed the buzzer. I told them clearly who I was and who I wanted to see and I heard the door open. I put on the blue cover slippers and a cover cloak and pushed the door open.

  First, I saw Marie's doctor, who looked at me gently. I felt my shoulders relaxed. If she was looking at me like that, it couldn't be that bad, right? Next, I saw tubes and three other doctors bustling around Marie and I wasn't relaxed anymore. Marie's head was covered with small electrodes that told us where her epileptic seizure was. The monitor showed high activity and even I could tell that her seizure was still going strong. Marie's hand had two different drop tubes and one of the doctors was just about to put a respirator in Marie's throat. Tiamhaidh was standing next to Marie's bed and strangled the edge of the bed with his white knuckles. His face looked like a cornered animal. I went next to him. I wrapped my arms around him and wondered how he had gotten the permission to stay here, as Marie's doctor must have known that he was not related to her at all. Tiamhaidh let the bed go and grasped me. I felt my ribs give in, but I said nothing. He couldn't actually break anything and if crushing me helped him, I was ready to give it to him.

  “Sofia,” said the doctor, Joan Milton, quietly.

  I lifted my eyes and saw how serious she was.

  “How long has this been going on?” Milton asked.

  “Four days. But she recovered all the times between the seizures,” I added frantically.

  “Sofia, we have to take her down to get it to stop,” Milton said softly.

  “No!” I screamed.

  I knew exactly what that meant. I would go through the same hell as before and no one could promise that Marie would survive that. I felt my knees give in. Tiamhaidh grabbed me. He said nothing, but he could sense all my thoughts and he knew Marie's life was in danger.

  “We're not taking her to as deep a sleep as the last time, but you have to prepare yourself for the worst. Is David coming?”

  I nodded as I couldn't speak. A silent tear dropped from the corner of Marie's eye and I knew she understood what would happen. I got away from Tiamhaidh's grip and wiped her tear away. Another tear came to replace it and soon her cheeks were wet with tears. Tiamhaidh kneeled next to her bed and fondled her hand.

  “I'm sorry,” said Milton and gently held his hand. “You can't touch her, as every touch might stimulate the next seizure.”

  Tiamhaidh took his hand away quickly and I saw that he was crying, too.

  “Gu bráth,” he whispered silently and moved to let the impatient doctors come to Marie.

  Her eyes closed slowly and soon the only sound in the room was the solid beeping of the monitors that told us her heartbeat was stable. Soon the scary needles from the monitor relented as well and I knew she was sleeping peacefully, without any seizures, and would until the doctors tried to wake her from her artificial sleep.

  CHAPTER 14

  “Sofia, stop!” David's voice seemed to come from afar. “Stop that!”

  David shook my shoulders lightly and tried to get at least some kind of eye contact with me. Frustrated he turned to Tiamhaidh, but he was even deeper in his own world than I was. David grunted resentfully and turned back to me.

  “You've been staring at that watch for three days! You have to pull yourself together! And so do you, Tiamhaidh! I have to go to work and Clarissa doesn't want to hear a word about coming here, so I nee
d you to be my back up. Marie needs you!” David snapped desperately.

  “White,” I said, mesmerized.

  David stared at me like I was a lunatic.

  “White,” I repeated and smiled at him.

  “Sofia, please try to concentrate,” David begged frustratedly.

  “But honey, can't you see that Marie's mind is full of a calming white color and that she's resting peacefully?” I said, besotted.

  “And that's where Tiamhaidh is as well, right?” David asked patiently like he was talking to a child.

  I nodded absentmindedly and continued staring at the watch on the wall. David kneeled in front of me and came so close that our faces were nearly touching each other.

  “You can't share her world right now, none of us can. You understand that, don't you? This can last for weeks or months and no one can promise that she will be alright or that she will ever be the same as she was before. You have to be strong, Sofia, 'cause I just can't be strong alone. I need you,” David's voice cracked.

  I sighed and pressed my cheek close to his. “Forty-one hours, thirty-eight minutes and fifty-one seconds,” I whispered.

  “What?” David said, startled.

  “Forty-one hours, thirty-eight minutes and fifty-one seconds,” I repeated.

  David pushed me further and got up. He looked beaten.

  “Don't go,” I asked timidly. “I have to count time. Otherwise I don't have the strength to believe that Marie is going to be alright. The last time she was here, her mind was not as pure as it is now, so it has to mean something good, right?”

  “White,” David said and smiled faintly.

  “White,” I said and smiled at him radiantly.

  David glanced at Tiamhaidh and I whispered. “Also white.”

  David shook his head and kneeled again. “Sofia, I have to be sure you don't lose your mind while I'm not here. I have to be at work tomorrow so I have to go home today and get freshened up. I need to know if I can trust you?”

  “Yes. You can trust me, or at least I think you can, but don't take too long,” I said unsurely.

  I was almost sure that I wouldn't lose my mind, but that meant that Marie's state had to stay at this level. The smallest change for the worst might confuse my already messed up head. However, I was the alpha of this pack, and all I had to do was take some strength from my pack and then I would be fine. Anyhow, that was the extreme lever and I didn't want to do it. Not until I had used all the other resources I had, and at this point I was almost sure I could manage without them. I knew David had to work. I didn't expect him to do otherwise, and I knew he wanted to stay here as much as possible, so I had to manage at least one day without him. I just had to.

  “Go now,” I said and touched his lips.

  David kissed me lightly and glanced concernedly at Tiamhaidh. He hadn't moved. David bent over Marie and whispered something in her ear, and then he was gone. I concentrated on looking at the watch again.

  “Sofia,” a silent whisper echoed in my mind. I shook my head as if to exile an uncomfortable bug out of it. “Sofia!” the voice said louder. I strengthened my senses and jumped up at once. Tiamhaidh looked at me lazily, but turned his eyes back to Marie when I said nothing.

  “Gunward!” I snapped in my mind. “Go away!” I ordered, bored, and sank back to my boredom and into the soft chair of the hospital. “Sofia, concentrate!” Gunward's low voice grunted and disturbed my thoughts. I tried to concentrate on him, but the silent beep of Marie's medical ventilator took my interests back to my daughter. “Sofia,” Gunward gently wiped my mind. “Either you come out of the cell or I'll come in.” It was then that I really woke up and jumped up again. Tiamhaidh looked at me with a weird expression on his face. I formed the name, Gunward, with my lips. His gaze sharpened for a moment, but then he went back to his wasteland, where he could be as near to Marie as possible in this situation.

  I sneaked out of the room and as I shut the door, I wished I could have ordered Tiamhaidh to come with me. However, Marie needed him more than I did. I was just a coward who needed to collect her courage and meet the man who held my unwilling, shaking heart in his hand. I sighed and looked at him.

  Gunward leaned against the window frame and watched me with a beast-like look on his face. Oh, my God! I had totally forgotten how stunning he actually was. I had hidden his picture so deep in my mind that now that he was here I could only gasp. His dark brown hair was quite long and touched his shoulders, making him look really hot. He had a dark stubble and his golden brown eyes were looking amusedly at me. His long, muscular legs were covered with dark, loose jeans that ended with a pair of warm dark brown leather shoes. His dark grey knitted shirt was partly covered with a thin, dark grey woolen jacket and he had wrapped his neck casually with a dark striped scarf. I kept my eyes on his body on purpose, as I was not ready to meet his eyes. Neither of us said anything and I started to get a little nervous. Why had he come? I didn't want to be here. Not with him and certainly not now. My daughter needed me. I wanted to leave and I actually turned towards the cell door when I heard his rough, low voice.

  “Sofia,” he said tenderly, yet demandingly.

  I lifted my gaze just to meet his hungry eyes and I was shocked at the deep longing reflecting from them. I knew my own eyes were like a copy of his. His eyes drew me to him like a magnet and I knew it would be easy for him to just ask me to come closer. I would have done anything. Anything to be near this huge, magnificent man. However, he sighed deeply with resignation and turned his eyes. He didn't want me like this, unwilling, so he let me go. I examined his stern, handsome face. His dark brows, a nose that bent slightly and that I was sure was recovering from a fight again. His solid, wide mouth that screamed for a kiss. I glanced at his eyes carefully and noticed he was examining me as carefully as I was examining him. He grinned, revealing his perfectly white teeth.

  “A bear,” Gunward grunted amusedly and shrugged his shoulders.

  I had already figured that he had had a battle with a bear and that it had succeeded in swiping his snout badly. Gunward loved wrestling with bears. We used to do that together and I remembered that I liked to wrestle as well, but that was ages ago. A longing twinged at my heart, but I forced myself to be strong.

  “Why are you here?” I asked harshly.

  He flinched when he heard my cold voice, but he stayed calm.

  “I came, because I sensed that you needed me,” Gunward said and looked at me coldly. I saw the pain in his eyes, though he tried to hide it from me.

  “David will take care of me. Why didn't you just search someone else's mind from the pack? You would've seen what was going on right away, and needn't have bothered to come all the way here,” I asked and was startled by the hardness in my voice.

  Gunward searched my face and I felt his light touch in my mind. I had had time to shield my mind though, and even his skills were not enough to unblock it. His eyes flashed and I felt his anger.

  “I tried. I searched for Tiamhaidh's mind, but I couldn't see anything but white,” Gunward grunted, and when I looked at him wonderingly, he continued. “Obviously every shape shifter near you thinks they're part of your pack and they shield their minds from every outsider including me,” he said, looking a bit embarrassed.

  “What about Adam? You could've searched his mind. He's not a part of my pack, that's for sure,” I snapped.

  “Well, you may think so, but he thinks he belongs to your pack. I actually tried to search him, but either he doesn't know anything or he just doesn't want to reveal his mind to anyone. Besides, those few images I managed to dig out of his head were so full of Clarissa that the earth could quake and he still wouldn't see anything but her.”

  “I don't believe you! You could've forced him to open his mind to you,” I said, wondering.

  I looked straight at him. Had he gotten softer? Earlier he wouldn't have hesitated to crush his way into another's mind and take what he needed out of it.

  “I did force,”
Gunward grunted. “But I couldn't get anything useful out of him. Not a hint that could've told me what was wrong with you. Adam's mind is a mess and all I got were some detached nuggets.” His gaze locked into my eyes.

  “I had to come, mo gaol,” Gunward sighed and reached out invitingly with his hand. I pretended I didn't notice it and he slowly let it drop.

  “Thank you,” I said quietly and leaned against the nearest wall. “Now you have seen that I'm alright, so I think it's better for all of us if you leave as soon as possible,” I said tiredly.

  “Are you sure? I could hang around for awhile,” Gunward looked at me beseechingly.

  He saw how dead tired I was and we both knew he could observe Marie as well as I, if not even better, and that would give me time to rest and collect myself. I still couldn't stand the idea that he would stay. That wouldn't help. He couldn't stay for long. The last time he left me, I had almost destroyed myself. No, that would never happen again.