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  “Clarissa, show her,” Daniel begged.

  “I can’t,” Clarissa answered in a small voice.

  “Show her, Clarissa. I’ll help you. Let’s do it exactly like we did a moment ago. Just look at me and focus on the image of Gavin.”

  Clarissa nodded timorously. I sat down on the ground and felt Tiam lower himself next to me. Marie sat down almost in Tiam’s arms and held her breath. Slowly Daniel began to shift from man to wolf. First legs, then body and head. Tail, fur, ears, and finally eyes. Identically, Clarissa also shifted into a wolf, but into one different from Daniel. Her coat was snowy white and her yellow lupine eyes retained a slight green tint. The moment her transformation was complete, she shifted back to human. I sucked in a disappointed breath. I could have watched Clarissa forever. What a beautiful wolf she was, and how talented! Clarissa looked at me apologetically.

  “I can’t do any better yet. I’m sorry.”

  “No, Clarissa! You mustn’t be sorry! You were perfect!” I jumped to my feet and hugged her tightly.

  “I’m sorry. I should have been here to teach you. I’m truly sorry.”

  I looked deep into her eyes and saw hurt as well as longing. I had neglected my family and allowed my selfish desires to sweep me away. It was time I picked myself up by the scruff of my neck and pulled myself together. Clarissa saw the emotions in my eyes and she could probably sense my mind, too, for she clung to me fiercely and allowed all the pain and worry she’d felt for me break out in tears. I squeezed her in my arms and whispered soothing words in her ears. How selfish had I really been? This young, vulnerable creature needed me and I had abandoned her.

  “Hush. I’m not going anywhere anymore, love. Hush. I’m here.”

  “Mommy,” Marie’s weepy voice sounded behind me.

  I reached for her and pulled her into my embrace. We sat there on the ground weeping and the three males around us were highly embarrassed. Ears pulled back, they observed us and everything about their body language seemed to ask: “Who can ever understand females?” Eventually I clambered up and looked at my children. My beautiful daughters to whom I’d given birth and who were now able to share my heritage - Marie through Tiam and Clarissa as a shape shifter. I was immensely proud of them.

  “It’s time for us to go back home,” I said. “I still have a lot to sort out, but I’m here now and you must tell me everything I’ve missed in the past weeks.”

  Both girls smiled radiantly and launched into simultaneous chatter, recounting even the smallest things that had happened in the late summer. I let my mind fill with their voices and although I couldn’t make out half of what they were saying I felt warmth flood me, and after a long time I felt happy again. I gave Tiam a tender look and sent him a silent message of gratitude. This young hermit wolf had changed my life once and for all. It had won my daughter’s love and Gunward’s trust. Me, it had saved yet again from falling into the abyss of despair, and it had reminded me of the importance of continuing my life as a human, part of this wonderful family as well as part of the pack who had stayed with me of their own volition and thus also become part of my family. Even though I knew my yearning for Gunward would not abate easily, I at least had a reason to stay here and try to narrow down the gap I had opened between David and myself.

  CHAPTER 27

  My body was weak, but my mind seemed to draw strength from some inexhaustible source and I felt relatively strong again. Marie and Tiamhaidh had done a brilliant job of taking on the leadership, but now it was time for Marie to step aside and enjoy being a teenager. She sat on Tiamhaidh’s laps as we discussed the arrangements Tiam had made while I’d been incapacitated. I felt like a small child, scolded by Tiam, and in a sudden flash I saw a picture of Tiam playing with two little boys and Marie sitting on the floor, holding a cute daughter. I plunged into the depths of Tiam’s eyes and their deep blue world. I allowed myself deeper and forgot myself within his black irises fringed by brown dots. Tiam stopped talking and grinned. He had also glimpsed the picture in my mind.

  “Focus, Sofia,” he told me, but I noticed he couldn’t quite focus his thoughts either.

  “Tiamhaidh,” I said and reached to touch his cheek.

  Marie watched us, her eyes shining with such love that it illuminated us all. My throat felt tight and I knew the conversation was doomed. Swallowing tears of joy, I rose and fled the room.

  Clarissa ran about the house, giggling and glancing flirtatiously over her shoulder. She vanished around the corner and a flustered Ciall came running after her.

  “Ciall,” I reprimanded him.

  Ciall stopped and looked at me with laughter in his chocolate brown eyes. He leant against his knees, short of breath and panting.

  “Your daughter will be the death of me,” he wheezed.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Developing our senses, mathair,” Clarissa laughed and ran to hug me. The look she flashed at Ciall somehow got my hackles up.

  “Ciall,” I warned. “Adam will kill you if you go on like this.”

  Ciall looked at me guiltily, knowing he couldn’t conceal his emotions from me. Clarissa was still such a young and inexperienced shape shifter that she wouldn’t know how to search Ciall’s mind for answers, but I knew exactly how deeply Ciall was in love with my daughter.

  “If you wish to develop Clarissa’s senses, I can help.”

  I fixed Clarissa with a stern look, quelling the objection on her tongue. Defeated, they retreated to the living room and I felt I was a nasty bitch indeed, more so than ever. What right did I have to come between their love? Clarissa didn’t belong to Adam yet and Ciall had every right to compete for her. But in my heart I knew no-one could compete with Adam. Ciall would be left with a wounded heart and a battered soul. I couldn’t let him suffer. That handsome young man with Italianate looks had won me over right from the start with his easygoing warmth.

  Ciall wasn’t as tall as Adam, nor did he have that bad boy charm, but the sporty Ciall was perhaps the nicest and gentlest shape shifter I knew, and if Adam didn’t hurt him, Clarissa would. I knew that the moment Adam returned Clarissa would lose all control. I had experienced that with Gunward and I recognized the connection between their souls. Nothing would be able to break it. My job would be to teach Clarissa to control that connection and retain a will of her own with the strong-minded Adam. I had less than a year for this and I had decided nothing would get in my way this time. I wasn’t going to lose my daughter to Adam only to give him a beautiful, spineless spouse. Clarissa was capable of much more. I sighed, looking at the youngsters who were sitting as far from each other as possible. I would have to take the bull by the horns.

  “Clarissa, I want you to focus all your strength on your mind. Ciall can try breaching your defenses and I’ll monitor you.”

  “I want you to think of the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you and try to stop Ciall from finding out,” I looked apologetically at Clarissa.

  “But I don’t know what to do!” Clarissa cried.

  “You don’t have to. This is just an exercise and you’ll learn in no time. I’m sure your mind will help you,” I said, as convincingly as I could. I knew Clarissa could do this, if only she'd dare trust herself enough.

  “Are you ready? Clarissa, open your mind,” I commanded.

  Clarissa stared into my eyes and chewed nervously on her lip.

  “Okay, I’m ready,” she breathed.

  Ciall watched Clarissa in a daze and in a few seconds he burst out laughing. I looked at Clarissa, trying to appear stern.

  “See, I can’t do it,” Clarissa whined, frustrated.

  “You weren’t even trying,” I said as calmly as I could manage. “Try again.”

  Clarissa rolled her shoulders and tried to relax.

  “All right.”

  “And this time I want you to think of something really embarrassing, something you really don't want anyone else to know.”

  I bent to whisper what I
wanted her to think of and her cheeks flushed crimson.

  “Mother!” she yelped. “Not that! Anything else but not that.”

  I looked at her and decided that her bikini top falling off in the pool last autumn was by no means her worst embarrassment, and nodded firmly. I knew she’d been horrified when her top had fallen off just as she’d been climbing out of the pool and the whole class had stood watching, but there were several more embarrassing occurrences I planned to save for later. I had no time to treat her with silken gloves. She had to be ready by the time Adam returned.

  Ciall’s eyes were firmly fixed on Clarissa’s. Her mouth was pursed tight and her hands clutched the cushion. I felt merriment bubbling within me. This time it took as much as three and a half minutes before Ciall burst out laughing. Clarissa stared at her toes, cheeks flaming.

  “Wonderful!” I extolled. “Now try again.”

  Clarissa looked at me in horror as I whispered the next memory. Then she shook her head in disbelief and sprang up.

  “No, Mother! I won’t do it!”

  “Sit down!” I told her.

  “When Adam comes back, do you think he’ll respect your modesty and treat you like the finest object of art? He’ll run roughshod through your mind whether you want it or not. He won’t court you; he’ll conquer you completely unless you can defend yourself. The easiest way to do that is to close your mind to others.”

  “There must be other ways,” Clarissa pleaded.

  “There are, but you won’t have the time to learn them well enough. Now be quiet and concentrate.”

  Ciall threw me a covert glance and then looked at Clarissa. I had reminded her of such a humiliating memory that I knew she’d do her utmost to prevent Ciall from finding out about it. Ciall’s eyes were locked to hers and hers to his. A cold sweat broke out on Clarissa’s forehead and I saw how she struggled. Ciall seemed thoughtful and gave me a baffled look.

  “Try harder,” I commanded.

  “Sofia,” Ciall began.

  “Do as I say! Try harder!”

  Ciall continued his exploration of Clarissa’s mind until he was suddenly flung several meters from her and lying on the floor, flabbergasted.

  “Brilliant!” I sang. “I was sure you could do it.”

  Clarissa looked at me in confusion.

  “What happened?”

  “You protected your mind and did it much better than I’d have thought. You were incredible!” I exclaimed, thrilled.

  “But I hurt Ciall!” Clarissa pursed her lips in dissatisfaction.

  “Look at him. The only thing you hurt was his pride. This time he couldn’t find out your secret, but now he has learned something of you and knows to be wary.”

  “What do you mean, next time? I can do this now. You yourself said I was brilliant!” Clarissa exclaimed impatiently.

  “You are. But you still need to practice. I want you to be able to protect yourself perfectly even if you face a much stronger shape shifter than Ciall.”

  I threw Ciall an apologetic look, but he only shrugged, acknowledging the fact.

  “I want you to work on the shielding for at least two hours every day.”

  “Two hours! Mom! I have other things in my life besides playing your games!”

  “Clarissa, if you have time to play with Ciall, you also have time to focus on something much more important. In this you have no say.”

  “But…”

  “No buts! I’m not commanding you as your mother, but as the alpha female of the pack. This matter is not open to discussion,” I scoffed, rolling my shoulders, which seemed to be just as stubbornly stuck as my daughter was.

  “I expect you to see to it that the daily practice will happen,” I told Ciall. He nodded.

  “Good. Now you can take a break and then you’ll be doing a few more exercises. I’m going to find Gavin. You’ll also need physical exercise and you can start today.”

  “Mother! What about school?” Clarissa asked with apprehension. Becoming a shape shifter evidently didn't seem as cool to her as it had seemed earlier.

  “Dearest, when you became a shape shifter you were also gifted with immortality, so you’ll have plenty of time for schooling in the next few years. Besides, I already told your teacher you’re suffering from a bad case of influenza and won’t be going to school for at least a fort night.”

  I grinned and left Clarissa staring after me open-mouthed. I felt deep satisfaction and pride at Clarissa’s accomplishment – she had proven herself exceptionally skilled at shielding. She herself didn’t know it yet, but Ciall certainly knew and neither of us wanted to tell her yet. I walked out to the crisp autumn air. The sun still gave some warmth and I snatched a woolen blanket off the railing of the terrace to take with me. I headed to the birches by the beach and crawled into the hammock between them. I tucked the blanket snugly around me and let the soothing sound of the water lull me to sleep.

  I woke up to Tiamhaidh’s anxious call. Alarmed, I jumped up and ran to the house, to Marie’s room. Marie was sitting comfortably in her usual place, in Tiamhaidh’s lap, and Ciall and Mathanan were lounging on Marie’s soft carpet. Tiam gave me a questioning look. I let my suspicious gaze sweep over everyone in the room and probed their minds lightly. I encountered nothing out of the ordinary, though - only the shielding wall, but we had agreed to strive to shield our minds from each other from time to time for the sake of practice.

  “You called for me,” I said with some hesitation.

  “It was an accident,” Tiamhaidh said, abashed.

  “An accident? How can you call for me by accident?” I asked my voice full of suspicion.

  A profound silence fell in the room. I was totally convinced something was afoot, but I couldn’t quite fathom what it was before the thought slipped my mind.

  “Mother, it’s a surprise,” Marie eventually said cheerfully.

  “And it will change everything, will it?” I asked, even more suspicious.

  “Yes. Of course. If we tell you it won’t be fun anymore.”

  “And you’re absolutely certain I will find this surprise funny?” I asked, fixing Marie with a searching look.

  “Yes, yes. Please don’t spoil it by asking questions,” Marie giggled.

  “Very well. If you're absolutely certain this was a false alarm.”

  Marie nodded. I still wasn’t quite convinced there was a surprise, or indeed that Tiamhaidh had called for me by accident, but in the absence of evidence I had to back off. I threw a last stern look at them all and left.

  The second I left the room, a spirited whispering began.

  “Marie, are you all right?”

  “I am. Let me rest for a moment and then we’ll try again,” Marie whispered in a tired voice.

  “Are you sure? That was really scary,” Ciall whispered.

  “Really scary,” Mathanan added in a guttural voice.

  “I’m sure we can find some other way,” Tiamhaidh whispered agitatedly. “What if you go into another seizure and I accidentally call Sofia again? She’ll never believe it was another accident. I never do anything by accident and Sofia knows it.”

  “What, never?” Marie asked whimsically. Tiamhaidh was flustered.

  “Well, sometimes I do, but never in these situations.”

  “I’m game if you really are ready to try again,” Mathanan said.

  “I’m ready,” Marie said steadily.

  Mathanan sat down opposite Marie and Tiam. Marie closed her eyes and took Mathanan’s hands.

  “You don’t have to hold his hands,” Tiam snapped.

  “It makes it easier for me to focus, love,” Marie told him gently.

  “Besides, he has such lovely warm hands,” she teased.

  “That’s enough! Let go of my woman!”

  “Take it easy, it was a joke. Can I carry on now?”

  “Go ahead,” Tiam grunted.

  Marie focused on breathing evenly and forming an image of Mathanan in her mind. Slowly she felt
Mathanan’s mind open to her. She saw jumbled images and memories of Mathanan’s life and finally she could pinpoint the present in his mind. She saw herself through his eyes and blushed. She knew all his thoughts and listened to his mind. “Hi, little sister!” She concentrated on answering him when Tiam’s firm grasp interrupted her. Irritated, Marie opened her eyes and glared at Tiam.

  “Now what? Was I holding his hand too tightly?” Marie asked irritably.

  “Marie,” Tiam said, a hint of sorrow in his voice. “We have to stop these experiments. You can’t go on.”

  “I’m certainly not going to stop now. I was so close to success. I know that if I go on I’ll be able to share the other shape shifters’ minds. I’m certain of it.”

  “Marie,” Tiam pleaded gently.

  “No! This is so important to me you can’t deny me. You can’t,” Marie begged.

  “Marie, love. Look at your hands.”

  Instinctively Marie’s eyes turned to her hands. Her arms were jerking spasmodically and now that she paid attention to the spasms she noticed the same happening to her right leg. Marie looked at Tiam, not believing her eyes. Then she turned her gaze back to her hands.