IMMINENCE (The Shape Shifter series) Read online

  “But you didn't want him to find you. You ran away once. We can run away again together. He can never find us!” David was nearly shouting out of desperation.

  “I wish you were right, but he can trace me. Running away won’t help. You have to understand that I can’t sweep this underneath the carpet and pretend nothing has changed. He came to stay and he brought a new, strong pack with him. I don´t even know how big his pack is, but I've sensed its strength. I’ll have to face him again,” I sighed quietly, my voice resolute.

  David stared at me as if he couldn't believe what I was saying. I knew how hard it was for him to accept that my past had returned to torment me and that it now involved my family as well. David might be able to accept on some level that I was a shape shifter, but the fact that there were more of us was pushing his understanding to its limit. Gunward’s invasion of our home and the meeting of these two men had woken a deep-seated jealousy and I knew David hated it. He wanted to trust me, but it was difficult after what Gunward had told him and what he had witnessed today. Thank God he didn't know how longingly I had snuggled into Gunward’s arms and how tight the connection between Gunward and me was. He knew he’d had nearly twenty years with me, longer than Gunward had had, and although I tried to explain that ties between wolves were not counted in years, he could not understand it. As I had been joined with Gunward, it would have made no difference whether he and I had spent only a few hours together as opposed to my many years with David. Our union was forever. I had decided to dissolve it, though deep inside I knew it couldn't be done. The only way of breaking our union was if the elders decided to free me from it, and I could see no reason why they would do so. I couldn't give David what he most wanted, but I had to promise him something so he would calm down. I looked at him and tried to smile bravely.

  “I can’t promise you what you want, but I promise I will do my utmost that you and the girls need not have anything to do with Gunward or his pack. This is my problem and even though we had agreed to solve our problems together, this is one I´m going to handle alone.”

  David shook his head in disbelief. “So you´re going to shut me out of this?”

  “Yes,” I answered, determined. David looked at me thoughtfully.

  “Great. I give you until the end of summer. But if there´s any trouble with Gunward or the likes of him, I can’t promise to remain in the sidelines. This is my family, too, and I´m ready to fight for it and for things to return to normal.”

  I didn't want to remind him that I, too, was one of the likes of Gunward. I knew I couldn't strike a better deal with him, so I decided to say yes.

  “Until the end of summer,” I sighed.

  I would have my hands full before the summer was over. Outside, the first leaves of spring were budding, but I knew this situation would not be resolved soon. I didn't have the heart to tell David that I believed this was just the beginning of troubles to come. I didn't know how right I was.

  CHAPTER 7

  It was a beautiful, still evening and we all sat on the sauna terrace, enjoying the silence. It felt like an eternity since Gunward’s visit. There was still some snow on the ground, but evidently it was more spring than winter- after all it was the end of April. The air was full of elements of spring, mixed with promises of the coming summer, and I hoped everything would go as nice and easily as it had gone so far. We knew Gunward existed somewhere near, but he didn't distract our family life, so we had told the girls nothing, but they had undoubtedly sensed the tension between David and me. Now, though, I leaned against David and he slowly stroked my hair. Clarissa and Marie were playing at cards and Flow and Bruun lay at my feet, relaxed. I smelled David’s scent, clean from the sauna, and enjoyed his closeness. We had missed this. A moment of peace with the family, nothing to distract us. Somewhere in the borderlands of my awareness I sensed movement in the nearby forest, but whatever moved there was far enough to not constitute a danger to my family.

  Suddenly the silence was broken by the howl of a wolf. It was not a threatening sound; it was rather one of deep sadness. Startled, Marie and Clarissa moved closer to us. I gave the dogs an unspoken warning not to join in the howling.

  “Listen,” I said. “Wolves are gathering somewhere near. I don’t think you’ll ever again hear anything like this. It’s a rare thing to hear wolves sing.”

  “This howling doesn’t sound anything like singing to me,” Clarissa muttered. I silenced her with a look.

  “Listen and enjoy,” I told them. Shrugging, Clarissa closed her eyes and Marie followed suit.

  We heard one wolf begin the song in a deep voice and urge others to join in. Each wolf’s voice was different, but they sang in perfect harmony nonetheless. I recognized the leader as Gunward and felt a stab of guilt in my heart. Even though the rest of my family didn’t understand the song, they felt the deep sadness it voiced. The grief cut so deep and the despair emanating from the song was so wrenching that Marie began to cry.

  “Mother, is something the matter with them?”

  “No, love. They are just very sad.”

  “I didn’t know wolves could be sad,” Clarissa muttered.

  David looked at me, accusation and jealousy burning in his eyes. I felt my heart break. David would never quite understand me, nor could he ever truly accept me as I was. As a shape shifter. Our moment of peace was over. David rose and went inside, but the rest of us stayed to hear the song that made our hearts cry. Even my daughters noticed the longing emanating from me. I wrapped my arms around them and they snuggled up against me. I pressed my face into Marie’s hair and felt her intermittent deep breaths as quiet sobs shook her. Clarissa, too, began to sense the message of the song and I felt her sigh deeply in turn as the sadness overcame her. She wrapped her arm tighter around me and scooted as close as she could. I took comfort in them. Indoors, David could be heard clattering dishes, but I wasn’t able to care. It was almost a hundred and ninety years since I’d last heard anything this beautiful. This time it didn’t matter if David was offended. He and I both knew the song was meant for me and even if David couldn’t stand it, I was determined to enjoy it. I felt so sorely compelled to join in it that only my daughters, snuggled up in my arms, prevented me from leaping off the terrace and dashing off into the forest to join the wolves.

  That night none of us could sleep. I sensed Clarissa and Marie lying in their beds, ill at ease, waiting for the mournful song to end. David, forced to share this experience with us, lay in our bed as far from me as he could without falling off the bed. And I – I lived the song of the wolves, embodied it with every cell. The wolves sang all through the night and only at dawn did they stop. One by one, as they had begun, until only Gunward’s deep song resonated in the waking forest.

  A deep sadness had overtaken me. As I couldn’t sleep, I got up and went out to the terrace. I sat down on the garden swing and stared out into the forest. Although Gunward’s song had died down, I could still sense his proximity. I cautiously felt around and found him nearby. A great dark brown wolf stood on a large rock by a forest pool and its gaze was fixed on our house. I let my mind join with that of the wolf, but had I been able to, I would have pulled back at once. Gunward’s elation was unbelievable. It would have wanted to run to me and press its head into my lap. I knew I would have permitted it and burrowed my hands in its long, soft coat to caress it. I would have pressed my cheek against the wolf’s and delighted in its wet nose and joyful licks. Nevertheless, I managed to convey to the wolf an interdiction so absolute that it agreed to remain hidden by the trees. Gunward gripped my mind tightly. It explored all my memories and whenever it encountered mine and David’s shared memories it started, as if struck by electric shock, and withdrew cautiously. Its great paws left indentations in the soft moss and I knew that if I wanted to, I’d be able to find its tracks long after it had gone. Its ears were tilted forward and I knew it was observing our surroundings with vigilance. Our minds reveled in our encounter and I concentrated on the momen
t. I enjoyed a sense of peace, for I knew Gunward was guarding our family. I shared its lupine senses and got as far to being a wolf as was possible without submitting myself to the change. I still didn’t know exactly how many wolves comprised his pack, but at this moment I didn’t care. My senses were so full of Gunward I didn’t even notice David - who had woken up sitting down beside me. He looked at me for a moment and at once understood what was going on.

  My glazed stare was locked somewhere between the trees and my lips were curved in a smile of rapture. My mind was so tightly joined with Gunward’s that David couldn’t bear to watch it. Gunward’s mind was strong and brooked no distractions. It held me in a strong grip and claimed all of me. David didn’t even try to get my attention. Enraged, he marched back inside. Only the bang of the main door jolted me from my reverie and when I tore my gaze off the wolf, I saw only dust billowing on our driveway as David sped away from me. Gunward’s connection with me was yet so strong that I couldn’t have followed David even if I had wanted to. Gunward was overjoyed. He took pleasure in David’s anguish and through me he was able to find David’s most vulnerable spots. The uncertainty that tore at him whenever I was close to Gunward. The understanding of how thin a thread kept me with David. David, unable to see into my mind, didn’t know that the thread, thin though it was, was very strong and entwined with the threads spun by our children. It would be very difficult to cut. Gunward knew that but was determined to do all he could to cut that thread, for there was also a strong tie between him and me and Gunward was convinced that no other tie could be stronger. Not even the ties between me and my children.

  I got up slowly. I felt faint. I forced myself to move, but at the door I felt compelled to turn around and throw one more yearning glance at the forest. I cursed myself. I was truly stupid. As I entered our house, my sleepy daughters were already sitting in the kitchen, preparing to go to school. Only five more weeks until the summer holiday. This summer, however, we were unlikely to be able to enjoy a family holiday, as the proximity of the wolves would cause tension between David and me, and I knew Marie and Clarissa would notice that. I would have to come up with something to keep the wolves away, especially Gunward, but no matter how hard I tried to concentrate, my head felt empty. I knew this might be because deep down I wanted to keep Gunward close to me, even if it would fracture my relationship with David. Thus the only way to maintain peace with David was to find a way for Gunward and his pack to stay close to my family without David taking him for a rival. However, I couldn’t with any certainty promise David that our family would be safe with the wolves, and I myself needed to be assured that nothing would harm my family. My only option seemed to be a complete split from Gunward and the other wolves, but I didn’t know if I was ready for that. I needed them. My head felt as if it was about to crack. I gave the girls quick hugs and marched out. Once again I had made a complete mess of things. Right now, human life felt all too complicated and difficult.

  CHAPTER 8

  I was very tired. I didn’t dare call David, as I deemed it better to let him calm down at his own pace. I knew he would relent once he had considered things from a distance. I packed my training backpack, having decided to drive to the nearby training course with Flow and Bruun. My dogs didn’t need training as such, but lately I had spent so little time with them that I missed their closeness. The dogs were always eager to train and this time, too, jumped into the car before I’d asked them to. I’d much rather have spent the morning walking in the forest, but I didn’t dare let Flow and Bruun run freely around there. Not now, when the whole forest apparently teemed with wolves. In the shape of wolves, shape shifters also behaved like wolves and although people tend to believe hybrids to be very like wolves, this is not the case. Were we out on the fells, hungry wolves would eat my hybrids without hesitation, because they are not part of the wolf pack. I couldn’t be entirely sure whether the wolves considered Flow and Bruun to belong in my pack and thus in theirs, but I dared not risk the wolves deeming my beloved hybrids to be prey, and killing them. Flow and Bruun would certainly smell the wolves’ tracks and go eagerly after them.

  They were used to running freely around the forests and would not understand why the wolves were a threat to them. Last night I’d had to mentally shout at them to not howl, for even though they were members of our family, they were by no means entirely tame pets, but unpredictable wolf-like animals with a need to belong in a pack whether the pack wanted them or not. They felt the need to join in the howling and hunt with others. Only my position as the pack leader had prevented them from running away, and if Gunward had called them, they would have obeyed instantly. Although my position as the alpha female was equal to that of the alpha male, they instinctively respected the stronger of us. That was Gunward, and my standing as the alpha female was currently dubious to say the least. I had, after all, abandoned the pack and joined that of another male, who, to top it off, was not even a wolf. I couldn’t blame them for being completely confused. Instead, I decided to take them as far from the wolves as possible until the situation had calmed down.

  Flow paced at the back of the car, restless, full of enthusiasm. She knew where we were going and anticipated playing with me. Bruun lay quite still, legs shaking slightly, ears pulled back against his head. He hated traveling by car but tolerated it because he wanted to come training. Luckily the drive was not long and there was such fun to look forward to that both Bruun and I began to catch on to Flow's enthusiasm. Glancing at the rearview mirror, I noticed Bruun had sat up and I heard his tail whipping excitedly.

  There were already others on the training course and when I let the dogs out of the car, they ran to greet their friends. The course had been built in a small forest near some sizeable gravel extraction pits. There were manholes, long tunnels and crumbled ruins made of concrete. Here and there the forest was dotted with small, demolished wooden huts where people could hide. The course had been constructed to resemble a site of disaster as closely as possible. During the exercises, a few people hid in the ruins and the dogs took turns trying to find them. It was actually very like a children’s hide-and-seek game, except that the hiding-holes were much more challenging to find and there were many more of them. My dogs found the exercises very easy, as their sense of smell was much keener than those of ordinary dogs. However, the exercises brought some appreciated variation into their lives, and therefore they were always enthusiastic about training. They could also sense my emotions and I tried to make the search more difficult by shutting them outside my mind altogether. Being happy to get away from home for a while, however, I unwittingly helped them with my gestures and expressions. Still, they found the game such fun that they eagerly searched for missing people until we got fed up and we let all the dogs loose to frolic in the muddy ponds in the gravel pits.

  As I drove back home, I felt very good. The two muddy, tired dogs slept at the back of the car and upon reaching our driveway I saw David’s car parked in the yard. All seemed to be well and I found myself smiling, happier than I had been for days.

  CHAPTER 9

  I awoke from a strange dream. I checked the watch on my nightstand and sighed. It was only two o’clock. David was sleeping peacefully beside me and I felt no danger anywhere. I felt for the minds of Flow and Bruun, but every time I touched them, they eluded me. That felt very strange, but as they did sometimes shut me out when they wanted to be entirely alone, I thought no more of it. I lay in bed and tried to get back to sleep. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the dream where Clarissa lay in her bed and eight young shape shifter wolves surrounded her. A black-haired, somewhat impudent male was clearly acting as pack leader. He reminded me of the man who had accosted me at the mall and when I focused my thoughts on him, I realized he was indeed the same impudent, defiant man. That truly scared me. How could he be a part of my dream? Strange, I thought, but concentrated my mind on that weird dream.

  Clarissa lay absolutely still. Her long, honey-blond hair was spread out i
n a cloud on her pillow and her bright green eyes were firmly fixed on the black-haired young man. I felt her terror. Felt how she forced herself to stay calm, though she would have liked to scream in fright. Imprecise images of what she thought the males wanted of her flitted through her mind, but she forced her fear aside. I sensed the male’s admiration of Clarissa and was surprised to notice some child-like infatuation, perhaps even respect. The black-haired male was very handsome. Tight leather trousers accentuated long, muscular legs. Narrow hips and a trim waist broadened out to a wiry, muscular back. Sexy, black hair reached his shoulders and a lopsided fringe partly shadowed one of his dark, nearly black eyes. His face was rather angular, which emphasized his good looks. He was almost two meters of height, sinewy and dangerous. I knew how easily it might rip my child’s throat open. A low, quiet growl emanated from his throat as he stroked Clarissa’s lips and neck. The other males would have wanted their share of the prey, but the black-haired one communicated to all that this was his catch. The others backed off, offering no resistance.

  The male stroked Clarissa’s hair, alternating between gentle touches and almost violent clutching. Not for a moment did his gaze leave her eyes. I felt his impudence. His excitement and his desire towards Clarissa. He stared at her covetously, as if Clarissa were something incredibly tempting and forbidden, something he simply had to possess. The other males gave low growls and their white fangs gleamed in the dim light. Everything about them emanated threat and danger. Not even quite realizing it, I saw not a group of young men but a pack of wolves with their prey. These men were clearly more animal than human and this was my only comfort, for I knew they would never flout their leader’s absolute command, and this female was marked. Chosen by the black-haired leader, whether she wanted it or not. I sensed Clarissa calling to me for help. She prayed I would wake up and come to rescue her. Even though I was fully awake by now, I couldn’t shake the dream off my mind and I decided to check if Clarissa was all right.