IMMINENCE (The Shape Shifter series) Read online

  The instant I opened the door to her room, all hell broke loose. Gunward leapt in through the window, straight between Clarissa and the young male. The big dark brown wolf transformed into a man even before its front paws touched the ground. Clarissa stared at Gunward in sheer terror. Her eyes darted wildly between me and the men and only her fear of the young man prevented her from rushing to me. The other males gave way to Gunward and bowed their heads to indicate their submission. Gunward threw them an enraged glare and they quickly retreated even further from him. I, too, stared at Gunward, enchanted rather than frightened. When had I last seen a full transformation? It felt like forever ago. It also felt unbelievable that Gunward had gathered so many shape shifters into his pack. I had not understood how many there truly were. A few were clearly very young still- only a few decades of age and obviously out of their experience in human bodies. I knew there were very few shape shifter females and of those few, I knew no other female, besides myself, who would have been willing or able to procreate, let alone birth new shape shifters.

  Thousands of questions flitted through my mind, but an angry sound from Gunward recalled me to the present and forced me to confront the chaotic situation in my daughter’s room.

  “Adam,” Gunward grunted sternly.

  For a moment the big males merely stared at each other, until the black-haired male referred to as Adam gave a frustrated grunt and took a step backwards with exaggerated courtesy. I dashed to Clarissa and enfolded her in a tight hug. She trembled in my arms, but didn’t take her eyes off the male called Adam. I felt how tense and strained all her muscles were. She was evidently very frightened, but held her back ramrod straight and her head up. Clenching her teeth, she summoned all her courage and gently broke free of my embrace, eyeing Adam and Gunward with suspicion. She let out a deep sigh and briefly squeezed my hand so hard that I thought my bones would break. Then, trembling and obviously frightened, she stepped in front of Adam. Gunward stepped out of her way and his eyes met mine.

  Staring at Adam in anger and affront, Clarissa smacked her fist at his chest and stood there. I was horrified. Didn’t she realize how dangerous he was? And why was Gunward doing nothing? I was about to draw Clarissa out of Adam’s reach when Gunward took my arm and quietly shook his head. I stared at my child and this unknown man and, to my horror, found myself thinking what a gorgeous couple they would make. Clarissa was on the threshold of womanhood. Just turned sixteen. Beside the tall Adam, my daughter, herself tall and slender, seemed to be right where she belonged. Her fair coloring emphasized his dark looks. Day and night; opposites, I thought. For what felt like an eternity, they stood almost touching. Then Adam’s hands moved to caress Clarissa’s sides. Her fingers explored his face with wonder. No one dared so much as breathe. Gunward had drawn me close and held me in an iron grip. I couldn’t move. Clarissa and Adam had shut themselves into a space of their own, where no one else was able to enter. Clarissa no longer trembled of fear; she now trembled of desire. Black eyes were fixed on green ones. Two bodies were entwined like lovers in an embrace. Fingers explored, caressed, searched. A small sigh escaped through Adam’s lips. Abruptly Clarissa, frustrated, pushed Adam off and marched out of the room. Only then did I notice I’d held my breath the whole time. Gunward barked an order to the other shape shifters and they disappeared into the night, led by Adam. Exhausted, I sat down on Clarissa’s bed. Gunward sat silently down beside me. After what felt like an eternity of silence, I finally asked:

  “Why, Gunward? You promised no one would hurt my children.”

  “I don’t know, love, but I promise I’ll find out,” Gunward rumbled tenderly.

  Anger flashed in his eyes and I knew he would go very hard on the young males. No one could evade punishment for defying an alpha.

  “Your children are unlikely to be shape shifters, if they haven’t shown any signs of it by this age. I am sorry. I’ll discipline the pack, but remember what I told you before. It’s you they want,” he continued pensively.

  “You can’t be serious!” I cried. “They are still children. Besides, it seemed quite clear to me that the black-haired male at least wants Clarissa, not me.”

  “They may look like children, but they aren’t. Remember that.” Gunward gave me a stern look and shook his head.

  “They are all more than thirty years old and have been looking for mates for a long time. That they look young is their own choice. They are all very dangerous and Adam more so than the rest. I will do all I can to make him leave Clarissa be, but you saw the sparks between them. If Adam has chosen your daughter, I may have to fight him to make him give up.”

  “Then you will fight,” I told him sternly.

  “I’ll talk to Clarissa. I don’t want her to have anything to do with Adam. She must understand their union couldn’t possibly work out. She’s only a young girl and I don’t think she really wants to get involved with shape shifters.” I allowed myself to sink into Gunward´s gaze for a moment and I knew he was thinking what I was thinking. There was a time when nothing could have come between us. After we had joined and promised ourselves to each other, we would have fought to the point of madness had anyone even tried to keep us apart from one another. I couldn't let that happen to Clarissa. Not like this.

  “Sofia, you forget there have been unions between shape shifters and ordinary wolves for centuries. When the choice has been made, it’s very difficult to back off,” Gunward pointed out quietly.

  I knew he was right. Such unions had indeed been happening for a long time and this was one of the reasons why there were so few shape shifters. A shape shifter couple could usually have several litters, but shape shifter cubs would be born to only one litter. If one of the mates was incapable of shape shifting, it was very rare for them to beget shape shifters. In fact, it had never happened as far as I knew. Regardless, I could not blithely hand Clarissa over to Adam. Clarissa was not a wolf and she made her own decisions. In this case, however, she had no idea what the consequences would be for herself or for Adam if she made the wrong decision.

  Silence returned between us. I didn’t know what to say. I knew what I ought to have asked, but I was afraid to. Gunward had returned to my life too soon. I had not readied myself for this. I was stuck between two worlds and I didn’t know which one I belonged to, or wanted to belong in. At this moment my main concern was the safety of my family and my fear of how Clarissa would handle the truth. I also feared Clarissa was already unwittingly so entangled with Adam that there would be no way to separate them. The look Adam had given Clarissa before going off into the darkness had been brimming with lust and predatory eagerness and I would have to tell Clarissa the truth. I could only hope she would view it with an open mind and that her feelings towards me would remain unchanged.

  Gunward was the first to get up. He, too, knew he would eventually have to tell me everything, but now was not the right time. Gunward bent to kiss my forehead and pressed his hand onto my cheek. I permitted myself to feel his love for a moment and then he withdrew.

  “Fia, I have to go.” And he, too, vanished into the night.

  CHAPTER 10

  Clarissa sat on the couch, buried in a nest of big, fluffy cushions. The room was lit by only a few candles on the table, reminders of the cozy and peaceful evening our family had enjoyed earlier. David had lit the candles on the tables in the living room, and we had cooked together. Marie had set the table as if we’d been expecting guests, and Clarissa had concocted a lovely salad. Now, both David and Marie were sleeping in their rooms, blissfully unaware of the uninvited guests who had forced their way into Clarissa’s bedroom. Clarissa stared accusingly at me, her eyes demanding an explanation. I seated myself in an armchair opposite the couch and sighed.

  “I don’t know where to start,” I said quietly.

  “How about you ask me questions and I answer them as best I can. All right?”

  Clarissa stared sternly at me and snapped, sounding miserable, “I don’t know what to ask!
”

  She got up and started pacing to and fro. At times she stopped and began to talk, but broke off in frustration and resumed her pacing. I was afraid. Clarissa was no small child who might be comforted with bedtime stories, and I could see there were about a million questions she wanted to ask. Finally she stopped in front of me and pointed an accusing finger at me.

  “Are you saying you can explain why a big bunch of dangerous-looking men intruded in my bedroom in the middle of the night? Can you tell me who they are? Who is Adam? What is the change from wolf to man, and can it be real? Mother! This is too much! Really too much! Say something or I’ll wake Dad up! Right now!” Clarissa stared resolutely into my eyes and I saw how close to tears she was.

  We both knew Clarissa would by no means wake David up. She loved her father and wanted to sort this matter out without letting David find out anything that might hurt him. At the very least, Gunward’s presence here and the fact that I knew him well required an explanation and even though Clarissa herself didn’t know it yet, I knew she would belong to Adam from this moment on if he decided he wanted her. Clarissa couldn’t know Adam had lived most of his life as a wolf. For her, Adam was something different, fascinating and exciting. Danger fascinated her and I knew that boys her own age would seem all too dull and ordinary to her now that she had met Adam. How could any other boy match Adam? Not even the other young shape shifters were as tantalizingly dangerous as he was. Everything about him screamed danger. He was a rebel, a handsome man, and yet very vulnerable. I didn’t know how long he’d spent in a human body and how much experience he had of human girls, but at least for now he was fascinated by Clarissa and that truly scared me.

  “Clarissa,” I began with caution. “This is as real as you think. Strange and dangerous things do happen in reality and they aren’t always nice things.” I looked at Clarissa with tenderness.

  “This is my reality. Has been for a long time. I wanted to keep you apart from that reality, because I was stupid and thought I could escape my past, but that’s not possible. For years I thought it was, but now I have to face my own nightmares.” I reached out to touch Clarissa's hand, but she quickly drew it away.

  “I’m only sorry you got into danger because of me. Those men in your room were every bit as dangerous as you think they were. I was absolutely terrified when you rose to challenge Adam. I was sure Gunward would have to interfere to prevent Adam from tearing your throat, or that I would have to challenge Adam. Come to think of it, why did you do it?” I asked, a hint of anger in my voice.

  Clarissa was still staring at me challengingly, but her hard shell was beginning to crack and she chewed nervously on her lower lip.

  “It doesn’t matter. How did those men know to come here and what did they want of me? Why did you call that black-haired guy Adam and who’s Gunward? Who are you really?” Clarissa burrowed deeper in the couch and wrapped her arms defensively around herself.

  “It does matter. More than you think. I don’t know exactly who Adam is. If I did, I’d definitely not let him anywhere near you. You downright melted into his arms. Didn’t you see how dangerous he is?” My voice rose a notch and I felt a whiff of panic in my mind.

  I was absolutely certain that if I couldn't make my daughter listen to me, she would do something very stupid. Just to spite me. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and continued in a calmer voice.

  “Gunward is a very old friend of mine, who did something terrible once and I left him for that reason. Now he’s back and I don’t know if he has any intention of getting out of my life.” I knew I didn't sound convincing. The warmth that had crept into my voice when I mentioned Gunward had exposed me. But I trusted Clarissa was still too upset to notice everything that happened around her, so I didn't care.

  “I know it’s unbelievable to see an animal transform into a human being, but it’s true. There’s a grain of truth in all old fables and legends, including werewolf stories. We’re not werewolves, though. We’re wolves who can change shape,” I said with pride.

  “The human form was our own choice and I don’t think most shape shifters are ever capable of such a major change. The change takes a lot of energy and you always lose a part of yourself when you shift shape.”

  I felt my eyes glow with excitement. It was thrilling to share my secret with Clarissa and I had to do my utmost to not change into a wolf against my own volition. I knew there was already a hint of yellow in my eyes and it would only be a matter of time before they turned completely lupine. I stifled the twitching in my belly. It was one thing to tell your child you were a shape shifter, but quite another to actually shift into a wolf in front of her. I sighed and kicked the edge of the couch. The pain in my foot would direct my thoughts elsewhere for at least a while, and the change would stop as quickly as it had begun.

  “Only the strongest shape shifter wolves can take an entirely different form and remain in it for years, and most shape shifters can only manage minor changes.” I sighed and rubbed my sore foot.

  “Adam is a beast, as are all the other men who were in your room. I’m like them, but I’ve lived as a human for much longer than those young men. You must understand that although Adam looks human, he’s a predator deep down. A wolf, who respects only the laws of wolves. He doesn’t understand human rules of dating. If he wants you, he’ll hunt you until you give in, and I won’t permit that!”

  Clarissa blushed and lowered her eyes. I knew she had already lost a part of her heart to Adam. Now my task was to make her believe that was wrong, though deep in my heart I knew she had belonged to Adam from the moment they had laid eyes on each other. Clarissa might not have realized it herself, but the hunt would be easy for Adam because his prey had already surrendered.

  “Mother,” Clarissa said hesitantly, “Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love with someone so quickly? I don’t even know him, but it feels like my whole being has always waited for him. If he asked me to go with him, I’d go without a moment’s doubt,” Clarissa lifted her head and regarded me with a stubborn look in her eyes.

  “I don’t see him as a wolf, I see him as a man. Do you understand? I’m scared to death of him but I still want to be with him, to follow him wherever he wants to go,” Her voice softened and a dreamy expression illuminated her face.

  “I don’t care what he is and I don’t care what you are. You’re my mother and if Adam is anything like you, I’d only be proud to be with him.”

  Oh, my God! I would have to be very careful now.

  “Clarissa, do you realize what you’re saying? That man is extremely dangerous. I can’t forbid you to go near him because I know you won’t obey me, but I wish with all my heart he understands enough to leave you alone. Gunward certainly won’t let him come here again,” I got up and stared at Clarissa in disbelief. “What if Adam decides to take the shape of a wolf permanently? Would you follow him to the North even if you couldn’t have him as a human? What if he gets angry with you and loses control? He’s capable of ripping your throat open within seconds and tearing you to shreds!” I shouted.

  Did she really not understand? I let out a grunt and forced myself to sit down again. I knew shouting wouldn't help now. I silently counted to ten.

  “He’s not a pet you can scratch and cuddle when you feel like it. He’s a wild wolf, do you understand? A wolf, not a human being! Clarissa, you have to listen to me carefully and try to forget him. You don’t even know what love is! Please promise me you’ll stay away from him,” I said with extreme patience.

  “Who’s Gunward? That man whose arms you melted in? I’m sure Dad wouldn’t like you falling into another man’s embrace, and why would Adam do as this Gunward says? Adam is certainly much stronger than Gunward and if Adam wants to be with me, I don’t think anyone can stop him.”

  “Clarissa!” I exclaimed, frustrated.

  How could I make my teenage daughter understand the gravity of the situation? In the soft candlelight, the terrors of the night were beginning t
o fade out of memory, and Clarissa had evidently already painted a romantic mental picture of a gorgeous young man with whom she now thought herself in love. But Adam could not be trifled with. He would not be like other young men and if stricken by jealousy, he might do something truly appalling. Moreover, Clarissa didn’t realize Adam wanted her for himself for the rest of his life. She wouldn’t be able to date him for a few months and then decide she didn’t want a relationship. I felt like tearing my hair!

  “Don’t you even have anything to say about the fact that I’m a wolf?” I shrieked quietly.

  “Gunward and I are very old shape shifter wolves and although I’ve lived for a long time as a human, I can transform into a wolf in seconds. Doesn’t that honestly bother you at all?” My face reflected absolute desperation and I hoped Clarissa would be at least a little more frightened, understanding that all I had told her was true.

  Clarissa shrugged negligently. I knew she itched to tell her friends about the night’s events. For once she would have something really exciting to tell. Her thoughts wandered far from me and she could hardly wait to show off her new, handsome almost boyfriend. The others would die of jealousy. I had to stop her.

  “You have to swear to me you won’t tell anyone what has happened tonight or who I am. Can you do that?” I looked sternly at Clarissa.

  Clarissa regarded me for a long while, but then nodded lightly. I was not quite certain whether I could trust her promise, but there were no better assurances to be had right now. Suddenly Clarissa’s expression brightened and she gave me a sly look.